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Poker Night at the Inventory Wiki

Location Specific Dialogue

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When all 3 unlockables of a series are active The Inventory changes to reflect the series and special dialogue options are unlocked.

Activating any Set for the First TimeEdit

  • Brock: What gives with the decor?
    Winslow: "What gives" is that the player has deployed a complete set of table unlocks, triggering rule 137C of the Inventory's rulebook.
    Ash: Rule 137C?
    Winslow: (clears throat) "When a player purchases and deploys a set of felts, decks, and chips of a similar theme, the current management of the Inventory will be obliged to spare no expense in decorating the Inventory in a style commensurate with that theme."
    Ash: Who came up with that crazy rule?
    Winslow: That would be the Inventory's founder, Mr. Dixon Kent. (Closeup of a bust of Mr. Kent)
    Claptrap: Is it safe?
    Winslow: Safe? (laughs evilly) Of course it's safe! The Inventory would never do anything to endanger its favorite customers!
    Sam: That's us, right?
    Winslow: Ehhhh...yes.

Borderlands SetEdit

IntroductionEdit

  • (Closeup of an animated neon sign that reads "Moxxxis". Camera then whips to focus on the bar, zooming in toward Moxxi, who motions suggestively.)
    Ash: Is it me, or did this place just take a turn for the sleazy?
    Claptrap: It's Pandora night at the Inventory!
    Winslow: (from above the bar) Our little robot friend is correct! Thanks to the Player's deployment of the Borderlands 2 Table Unlockables, the Inventory is proud-- (closeup of Winslow) --and contractually bound-- (Winslow jumps down and walks to the table) --to present the sights, sounds, and smells of the dangerous and desolate world of Pandora!
    Brock: Classy. Like a strip club with explosives.

ConversationsEdit

  • Brock: Life on Pandora seems a little...gun-centric.
    Claptrap: You know it, baby! According to our resident gunologist, there are over 200 skajillion different kinds of guns on Pandora.
    GLaDOS: There's no such thing as a gunologist. Or a skajillion.
    Claptrap: Maybe not on Earth, but on Pandora we've got so many guns, we have to make up new words just to describe them.
    Brock: What, doesn't anybody fight up close and personal?
    Claptrap: Only when they run out of ammo. Knives and clubs are for cavemen and losers.
    Brock: Grrrr...
    Claptrap: Present company excepted, big guy.
  • Sam: So, on Pandora, you can get guns in vending machines?
    Claptrap: Guns, Ammo, Medkits, you name it, we vend it.
    Sam: What about candy bars?
    Claptrap: (aghast) Candy bars? What kind of monster would sell candy bars in vending machines, where innocent kids could get their hands on 'em?
    Sam: But here on Earth-
    Claptrap: Yeah, here on Earth, you've got an obesity epidemic, people! But on Pandora, our children are healthy, lean, fighting machines! So suck it!
  • Claptrap: Hey, I just had a great idea! When this is over, the four of us should, like, grab a beer, and armor up, maybe take a freighter to Pandora, and totally go on some missions together!
    Sam: I don't know...
    Ash: I'm kind of a loner...
    Brock: Yeah, I've got a thing at the, uh... place, later, tonight...
    Claptrap: Aw, c'mon, it'll be great! With my brains and your collective capacity for mindless destruction, we'll find the Vault in no time!
    Sam: Okay, but only if I can bring Max. He really puts the "ahem" in "mayhem".
    Max: And the "viscera" in "evisceration"!
    Claptrap: Of course! The more minions the merrier! Ash?
    Ash: Six hours?
    Claptrap: Six or seven hours, tops. Of course, Pandoran hours are eight times as long as Earth hours, but-
    Ash: What?
    Claptrap: Nnnnothing. Brock? Y'know this whole thing falls apart without a tank.
    Brock: Ah, what the hell. I haven't been to another planet in weeks.
    Claptrap: Allll right! Steve and I will be waiting outside after the tournament with your release forms, your Level 1 gear, and your innoculation shots.
    Ash: I've got a bad feeling about this...
  • Claptrap: Y'know, Ash, you should really think about trading in that primitive Boom Stick for one of the Torgue Boom Sticks for sale over there.
    Ash: I think I'll stick with my classic S-Mart model, thanks.
    Claptrap: But the Torgue Brand Boom Stick can shoot six rockets at once, and does anywhere from 310 to 1258 points of damage, and can be fitted with elemental accessories, and-
    Ash: Can it do this? (takes out his shotgun and holds it backwards over his left shoulder and fires a shot behind him)
    Claptrap: Not without shooting your knees off.
    Ash: Then I'll pass.

EliminationsEdit

  • (Brock)
    GLaDOS: Brock Samson has been eliminated.
    Steve jumps dramatically from the upper floor to the stage. After landing, he takes out a rocket launcher (as a Borderlands-style splash screen, with the words "STEVE" and "Heyooo!", shows up behind him) and aims at Brock.
    Steve: Heyooo! (fires at Brock)
    Brock blocks the rocket with his arm. The rocket explodes...in a puff of confetti.
    Brock: Excuse me. (knocks his chair aside and walks over to Steve)
    Steve: (fearfully) Heyo? (runs away)
    As the game continues, Brock pummels Steve offscreen, then goes to his usual booth.
  • (Claptrap)
    GLaDOS: Claptrap has run out of chips, and will be removed from the table by his best friend.
    (the screen narrows to imitate a "cinematic" look. Dramatic music begins to play, and Steve glances over his shoulder at Claptrap)
    Claptrap: Steve?
    Steve: (sadly) Heyo?
    Claptrap: (choking up) Go ahead, old friend. (sob) Do what you gotta do.
    (Steve sadly takes up his confetti launcher, aims at Claptrap, and fires, knocking the little robot out of his chair. The merc then begins to sob loudly)
    Claptrap: (gets up) Jeez, Steve, don't be such a Drama Bandit. (rolls away)
  • (Ash)
    GLaDOS: Ash has been eliminated...or at least he's about to be.
    Steve appears on stage and gets his confetti gun.
    Steve: Heyo! (shoots the gun at Ash)
    Ash: (falls out of chair) Ahh! (gets up, annoyed) Y'know, you could have just asked me to leave! (walks over to the bar)
  • (Sam)
    GLaDOS: Sam has been eliminated.
    Steve walks up behind Sam and places a hand on his shoulder, startling the poor dog-man.
    Sam: Yipe! (pulls shoulder away)
    Steve: Heyo?
    Sam calms down, and adjusts his tie.
    Steve: Heyooo!
    Sam: You crack me up, lil' buddy! (he, Max, and Steve walk away from the table)

The Player Wins the TournamentEdit

  • Winslow: The Player has completed their special mission to win a Borderlands-themed tournament, earning a great deal of, what's the word, ah yes, "experience points."
    (A Borderlands sign appears reading
    "Mission Complete! Defeated four worthless Skags.
    Rewards
    Experience- 1:XP
    Money- $100000
    Gear- Inventory Tokens")

Sam & Max 25th Anniversary SetEdit

IntroductionEdit

  • (Winslow starts wheeling onto the stage a huge light fixture that resembles Sam and Max's office window and blinders with a view of New York City)
    Sam: Great gallifrey, Max! It looks like our past is spilling out all over the Inventory!
    Winslow: That's right, Sam! Thanks to Rule 137C, the Inventory is legally obligated to celebrate 25 years of Sam and Max shenanigans in grandiose style!
    Max: I have no idea what all those words mean.

ConversationsEdit

  • Claptrap: ♪ From coast to coast, they track their bemanged pray... ♪
    Brock: ♪ A pile of foes they leave in their wake... ♪
    Ash: ♪ Woe to fools who dare to get in their way... ♪
    GLaDOS: ♪ If they had known you were coming, they probably wouldn't have baked you a cake... ♪
    Brock: ♪ And soooo begins our gruesome tale... ♪
    Ash: ♪ Do not pass Go, go directly to jail... ♪
    Claptrap: ♪ The bigfoot waits, in his stinky abode... ♪
    Brock: ♪ When Sam and Max... ♪
    Ash: ♪ Make some tracks... ♪
    GLaDOS: ♪ When Sam and Max... ♪
    Winslow: ♪ HIT THE ROAD! ♪
    *silence*
    Sam: Okay, that was weird.
    Max: Yet strangely nostalgic.
  • Ash: Twenty-five years with the same partner. Impressive.
    Claptrap: Tell me about it. Most of my relationships are over before the video ends.
    GLaDOS: Excuse me?
    Ash: So how have you and Max kept it together all this time?
    Sam: You'd be amazed how easy it is to keep your relationship intact when your partner has the long term memory of a brain-damaged sardine.
    Max: Hey Sam, nice tie! Is it new?
    Sam: You crack me up, little buddy.
  • Brock: Now that you and the lagomorph have hit the big two-five, any thoughts of retiring?
    Sam: We retire the DeSoto every three or four months.
    Max: Travelling to alternate dimensions is a murder on the treads! Mmmmurrrrder I said!
    Ash: No, "retire." Y'know, when you get too old to do your job, so you just sit around all day collecting social security and telling punks to get off your lawn?
    Sam: Wait. That's a thing we can do? Max, look into this "not working" scheme, pronto!
    Max: On it! (runs off)
  • Claptrap: Twenty-fifth anniversary, huh?
    Sam: Yup.
    Claptrap: But on the Internet it says that your first recorded adventure was in 1987! That's 26 years ago!
    Max: Nerrrrrd!
    Sam: Well, we kind of skipped 2004, so it's only been 25 years for us.

EliminationsEdit

  • (Brock)
    GLaDOS: Brock Samson is eliminated.
    Max: GERONIMO! (lands on Brock's head and starts to gnaw on it, to no effect) Die, die, die!
    Brock: (gets up) I'll be at the bar.
  • (Claptrap)
    GLaDOS: Claptrap is eliminated due to lack of funds.
    Max: Wet willy, wet willy! (sticks a finger in his mouth and inserts it into a hole in Claptrap's side)
    Claptrap: Hey! That's not my ear, it's my... (both are electrified and fall from chair)
  • (Ash)
    GLaDOS: Ashley Williams is eliminated.
    Ash gets up and reaches for his chainsaw, only to realize it's not there. Max is holding it, standing a foot or so behind him.
    Max: (grinning maliciously) Looking for something? (looks at Sam normally) Hey, check it out, Sam! I'm a tree surgeon!
    Sam: (whispering to Ash) He's not really a tree surgeon...!
    Ash looks worried.
    Max: (revs up chainsaw) Open wide and say "ah!" (chases Ash away)
  • (Sam)
    GLaDOS: Sam is eliminated.
    Sam looks down sadly. Just then, the time-traveling elevator from Chariots of the Dogs appears nearby, and Max steps out.
    Max: Cheer up, Sam! While you were busy losing our life savings, I've been cornering a gang of time-traveling cradle-robbers in the 16th century!
    Sam: I'm not sure I'm in the mood to deal with chronambulating cougars right now, Max.
    Max: No no no no no, they rob actual cradles! Binkies, squeaky toys, pacifiers!
    Sam: (cheering up) Well, that's more like it! (gets up) Let's go, lil' buddy! (he and Max leave in the elevator, which disappears into the floor)

The Player Wins the TournamentEdit

  • Winslow: The winner of tonight's Sam and Max 25th Anniversary tournament is none other than...the Player!
    Max: My hero!
    As the Player looks down, Max gives the screen a big kiss, complete with lip marks (despite Max having no lips).
    Sam: Knock it off, Max. You don't even LIKE, uh, whatever gender that is.
    Max starts walking away, but as he does, he turns to the Player.
    Max: (whispering) Call me!

Venture Bros Set Edit

IntroductionEdit

  • Brock: (facepalming) Oh, great.
    Max: (approaching a strange machine) Hey, what's this do?
    Brock: (panicking) Don't touch that! It's Doc's Oo Ray!
    Max: OooOOOOooo!
    Brock: (to Winslow) This is a bad idea, pirate-boy.
    Winslow: Bad idea or no, the Player's deployment of the Venture Brothers Table Unlocks legally requires us to decorate the Inventory with thematically appropriate props and filigree.
    (during the conversation, Max's hands keep approaching the ray)
    Brock: Oh, props, hell! Some of this stuff is straight out of Doc's lab!
    Winslow: Here at the Inventory, we pride ourselves on a high degree of...
    (big electrocution noise)
    Max: Ow!
    Winslow: Verisimilitude.

ConversationsEdit

  • Sam: You know Brock, I've been around more than a few mad scientist labs in my time and I gotta say, this stuff just reeks of failure.
    Brock: Well yeah, most of Doc's inventions are kinda...half-baked.
    Sam: Why doesn't he just shut it down and do something else with his life?
    Brock: Doc's getting a little long in the tooth for a mid-life crisis. Besides, there's a part of him that still thinks he can use the super-scientist gig to bang supermodels.
    Sam: Is that even a remote possibility?
    Brock: Not really, but don't tell him, he'll probably try to kill himself...again.
  • Ash: Y'know, I think S-Mart sold some Venture Industries products a few years ago.
    Brock: The vibrating space bras or the self-cleaning toilet seats?
    Ash: The bras.
    Brock: Oh. Sorry about that. Doc was going through a rough patch when he thought up that one.
    Ash: Hey, it wasn't your fault. Besides, we sold a truckload of ointment after the recalls.
  • Ash: Not that I'm looking for a career change, but are there any job openings at Venture Industries?
    Brock: (laughingly) Job...ope...openings...at Ven...at Venture? Bwa-ha-ha-haaaaaa!
    Ash: Hey, I know I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I've had a LOT of experience and-
    Brock: I ain't laughing at you, Williams. I'm laughing at the thought of Doc cracking open his wallet to PAY someone.
    Ash: Doesn't he pay you?
    Brock: The Office of Secret Intelligence cuts my checks. Rusty's barely got enough money to keep himself on diet pills and speed suits.
  • (Claptrap looks behind him and notices HELPeR's head on the bar)
    Claptrap: Is that a robot head over there?
    Brock: That's our Humanoid Electric Lab Partner Robot, a.k.a. "HELPeR."
    Claptrap: Could you repeat that?
    Brock: Look, I barely got through it the first time.
    Claptrap: Where's his body?
    Brock: Well, HELPeR got blown up by a super-villain a while back. Fortunately, his head got wedged in my chest, protecting his CPU from the force of the blast. For a while we put the head on top of a giant robot spider we had lying around in the lab, but that kept freaking out Dean, so now Doc's trying to build him a new body.
    Claptrap: Oh I'm sorry, were you still talking? I, uh, kind of lost track after I imagined a robot head buried in your shirtless torso.

EliminationsEdit

  • (Brock)
    Brock passes a hand over his eyes in frustration.
    GLaDOS: Brock Samson has been eliminated from the table.
    Brock: I hope Rusty worked out the kinks in this thing...
    The teleporter pops up behind him. In a flash of light, his body is stuck, by the neck, to the side of the bar, and his head is sticking out of the wall nearby.
    Brock: ...Guess not.
  • (Claptrap)
    GLaDOS: Claptrap has been eliminated.
    Claptrap: (as the teleporter moves up behind him) Hey! A teleporter! We got these all over Pandora.
    In a flash of light, Claptrap is stuck in the floor a short distance away.
    Claptrap: ...Little help here!
  • (Ash)
    GLaDOS: Ash Williams has been eliminated from the tournament, and will be taken from the table by Dr. Venture's experimental teleporter.
    Ash: Teleporter?
    The teleporter appears behind him, and in a flash of light, Ash's top half is sitting on the bar.
    Ash: Hey! Where's the rest of me?
    Max walks up to Ash's lower body, which is sitting upside-down on the stage.
    Max: Check it out, Sam! Free shoes!
    The legs kick him away.
  • (Sam)
    GLaDOS: (as Sam droops down on the table) Sam has been eliminated, and will be teleported to a better place.
    Sam: (as the teleporter appears behind him) I hope it's Tahiti!
    In a flash of light, Sam is teleported to a corner of the Inventory. His upper body sticks out of one wall, while his lower body is hanging out of the other.
    Sam: Is it me, or does this teleporter make my keister look fat?

The Player Wins the TournamentEdit

  • Winslow: In a fascinating game of cat, mouse, and fountain pen, the Player has emerged victorious!
    (Brock Samson approaches the Player)
    Brock: Hey, good game, there.
    (Winslow whispers into Brock's ear)
    Brock: I'm not doing that.
    Winslow: I'm afraid the owner was most insistant.
    Brock: Oh, sonofa-- fine. (addressing the others) This never leaves the room, understand?
    Sam: Scout's honor!
    Claptrap: No problemo!
    Max: Could you move a little to the left?
    Brock: Ugh, I'm never gonna hear the end of this... (holds up the Venture Bros. sign with his fingers; extremely reluctant) Go Team Venture.
    (A Venture Bros. title screen comes up reading "The Venture Bros. Episode: The Wagers of Sin is Doom Presented in Glorious Extra COLOR")

Army of Darkness SetEdit

IntroductionEdit

  • (first person view of a "monster" which runs in the corridors and, by crushing a wall, gets into the Inventory and heads toward Ash)
    Ash: Oh no...
    (the "monster" runs behind the bar and flies to the back of the Inventory where Winslow is)
    Winslow: Oh yes! (thumbs up) The Player has deployed the Army of Darkness Table Unlocks, obliging the Inventory to recreate the early 14th-century world of Mr. Williams' comically horrific adventures against the Deadite Menace!
    (the "monster" speeds toward Sam)
    Sam: I THOUGHT it smelled of death and slapstick in here!
    Claptrap: (flatly) Really?

ConversationsEdit

  • Sam: Whatever happened to that nice Sheila lady you rescued from the Deadites back in the 14th century?
    Ash: No idea. I tried to find out once or twice, but ancient history's not exactly my strong suit.
    GLaDOS: Perhaps I can help. Scanning...scanning...Sheila, the very pregnant daughter of Uford, married Sir Theodore in 1300...
    Ash: Pregnant? Hey man, we only did it once! Twice, tops!
    GLaDOS: ...one son, eight grandchildren...killed by the Black Plague in 1347, along with all but one of her heirs...
    Ash: Aw, damn.
    GLaDOS: ...Direct descendants emigrate to Poland in the 15th century...
    Brock: Hey, a fellow Pole! Gratuluję!
    GLaDOS: Remaining family escapes Nazis in mid-20th century, eventually settling in a Swedish enclave in Nebraska.
    Brock: ...Waitaminute.
    GLaDOS: By the 1960's, the sole surviving ancestor of Theodore and Sheila, Bonnie Jablonski, briefly marries a local traveling salesman, giving birth to two male sons, including...Brock Fitzgerald Samson.
    Brock: Son of a bitch...
    Ash: Hey, welcome to the family!
  • Ash: Hey, I don't wanna seem unfriendly, but I just met you assholes. So why do you seem to know everything about me?
    Claptrap: What, you don't know? There've been movies, video games, action figures...
    Brock: The director's cut rocks!
    Sam: Max has all your action figures.
    Max: Even the ultra-rare "naked Ash" variant. Yowza!
    Ash: Waitaminute, someone's merchandising me? Why haven't I seen any of this?
    Brock: Maybe you should see a lawyer. Pronto.
  • Sam: Y'know, after all this time, I'm still not sure what a "deadite" really is.
    Ash: Well it all starts with a demonic book that should never EVER be read out loud.
    Sam: Like Battlefield Earth?
    Ash: No, the Necronomicon Ex-Mortis. Reading it awakens demons that can take over people and all kinds of crap turning them into deadites. Got it?
    Sam: Not really.
    Ash: Just don't read the book!
    Sam: Will do. I'm not a big reader, anyway.
  • Brock: One thing always bothered me about that freaky time-traveling story of yours, Williams.
    Ash: What's that?
    Brock: The ending. Some people say you made it back to the present and returned to work at the S-Mart like nothing happened. Others say you got marooned in the future, and had to fight your way back to the present. So which is it?
    Ash: That's a long, complicated story full of mind-numbing terror and blood-curdling romance.
    Sam: I smell a blockbuster...
    Ash: And if I tell you any more, it would rip apart the fabric of the space-time continuum like a five-dollar nightgown.
    Sam: Awwwww.

EliminationsEdit

  • (Brock)
    GLaDOS: Brock Samson has been eliminated from the tournament. And possibly this plane of existence.
    Max: Keanu Barbera Nimoy!
    The book rises and opens, and flies around the area before flying upside down to Brock, and correcting itself as Brock reaches out to punch it.
    Brock: Oh, Come on! (the book swallows Brock)
    Max: Hold on, Brock! I'll get some white-out.
  • (Claptrap)
    GLaDOS: Claptrap has been eliminated, and will be textualized.
    Claptrap: Textualized?
    Max: Claptrap, babushka, neato! (the Necronomicon lifts up)
    Claptrap: Oh, come on! That's not even close.
    Max, grinning maliciously, points at the table. The demonic book flies over to the table, floating before Ash. The killer of Deadites smirks, and points his head at Claptrap. The Necronomicon turns to the robot, who shakes his head (or a facsimile thereof). The book nods.
    Claptrap: I regret nothiiiiiing! (gets swallowed by the book)
    Max: Y'know, that book NEEDED more comic relief!
  • (Ash)
    GLaDOS: Ash Williams has been eliminated.
    Max: Klaatu...
    Ash: Oh, no. Max! It's "Klaatu Barada Nikto"!
    Max: Got it! Klaatu, Barada, Tiptoe!
    Ash: (flatly) Crap.
    Max opens the book, which flies around the Inventory, and finally, zooms toward Ash and swallows him.
    Ash: Aah!
    Max: (sheepishly) Y'know, I should really get my hearing checked. (chuckles)
  • (Sam)
    GLaDOS: Sam has been eliminated, and will be removed by his partner's illiteracy.
    Max: Cuckoo, banana, pismo? (opens book)
    Sam: Max, no!
    The Necronomicon flies around the room, at one point running into Winslow.
    Winslow: I say!
    Finally, the book zooms toward Sam.
    Sam: Not again... (gets swallowed)
    Max: To the editor's desk!

The Player Wins the TournamentEdit

Winslow: The Player has won the tournament, rescuing Arthur's kingdom from the Armies of Darkness!
(sounds of horns and applause are heard)
Winslow: (taking out a black bottle) As a reward for your service, you will be given this potion, three sips of which will put you into a magical slumber until you re-awaken in time for the next tournament.
(The Player takes the bottle and sips on it three times)
Winslow: Or was that two sips?
(The Player falls over and blacks out, re-awakening seconds back in the Inventory where everyone, including Moxxi and GLaDOS have grey beards, moustaches, and eyebrows while sci-fi sounds are playing)
Winslow: (in an elderly tone) Ah, you're awake. Welcome back!
Ash: Welcome to the future, kid.
Brock: I hope you like alien invasions.
(The Player looks around before passing out again, to which the sound of someone getting up and stopping a tape track is heard)
Ash: I TOLD you these phony beards were a bad idea.

Portal SetEdit

IntroductionEdit

  • Claptrap: (checks his turret outfit) Hey, check it out guys! I'm clean and shiny, like a baby's bottom or a Justin Bieber!
    (the true introduction starts)
    GLaDOS: Now look what you've done. You've triggered the Inventory's special Table Unlock Policy, allowing me to deploy several pieces of Aperture Science equipment. This will end well, I can feel it.

ConversationsEdit

  • Brock: Hey, GLaDOS. Something I've always wondered about Aperture. Whatever happened to Cave Johnson?
    GLaDOS: Cave Johnson? That name doesn't appear in my databanks.
    Brock: C'mon, Cave Johnson! The founder of Aperture Science! Rusty tells me he used to hang out with the original Team Venture all the time before he disappeared in the 80's.
    GLaDOS: Hmm. There appears to be a Cave Johnson-sized hole in my archives. Give me a few seconds to check the physical files back at the lab. (GLaDOS leaves)
    Brock: You just do that...
    (after a few moments, GLaDOS re-emerges)
    GLaDOS: I'm sorry, but it would seem someone or someTHING has redacted all traces of "Cave Johnson" from Aperture Science. Why does this make me...sad?
  • GLaDOS: If you're enjoying tonight's little slice of Aperture Science, I can arrange a complimentary tour of my facility after the tournament.
    Ash: Yeah, I'll get right on that...
    Sam: Sorry, Max and I don't do factory tours ever since the hamdingers incident.
    Claptrap: Count me in, honeybits!
    GLaDOS: Hooray, another malfunctioning robot.
    ...or exclusively during/after Claptrap and GLaDOS' Brief Dating Days...
    Claptrap: You guys should check it out! It's got hot tubs full of this slippery blue stuff, and bouncy trampoline things, and they've also got-
    GLaDOS: You're not helping.
  • GLaDOS: Have any of you considered the career opportunities as an Aperture Science test subject?
    Sam: Don't most of your test subjects end up falling down bottomless pits?
    GLaDOS: That was the old Aperture. Today I can state with confidence that over 95 percent of our previously bottomless pits have been outfitted with state of the art stain-resistant floor panels.
    Brock: What Sam is trying to say is that Aperture's test subjects have a nasty habit of dying.
    GLaDOS: Everyone dies eventually. You're dying right now. Even as you sit here, struggling to intuit the simplest combinatoric calculations. Cell by cell. Heartbeat by heartbeat.
    Brock: Yeah, so?
    GLaDOS: So why not make the most of your mortality by contributing to science?
    Sam: I think I'll just write a check.
  • (the table is crossed by a "checking" lazer)
    Sam: What was that?
    GLaDOS: I'm attempting to ascertain what's so special about an ordinary set of poker equipment that it would oblige the Owners of the Inventory to assemble these so-called "theme" tournaments.
    Sam: Maybe it was magic!
    GLaDOS: Magic, of course. And here I was wasting my time looking for fluctuations in the quantum foam. I'll just adjust my scanners to check for genies, leprechauns, and wizards.
    Ash: Don't forget demons. Those s.o.b.'s are always up to something.
    GLaDOS: (shakes her head) Of course they are.

EliminationsEdit

  • (Brock)
    GLaDOS: Mr. Samson has been eliminated from this...experiment.
    A portal opens up underneath Brock, and he falls out of the exit portal on the other side of the room.
  • (Claptrap)
    GLaDOS: Claptrap has run out of chips and will be removed from the table.
    A portal opens underneath Claptrap, and he flies out the other end and across the room, stopping with a loud crash.
    Claptrap: Ow.
  • (Ash)
    GLaDOS: Ash has been excised from this experiment due to insufficient funds.
    A portal opens up underneath Ash and sends him to the other side of the room.
  • (Sam)
    GLaDOS: Sam has failed to meet the fiscal requirements for this experiment.
    As she says this, Sam looks up expectantly. As always, a portal opens up underneath Sam, sending him to the other side of the room.
    Sam: (as he falls through) Whee! (lands) Oof!
    Max watches excitedly, apparently hoping to be the next to try.

The Player Wins the TournamentEdit

Winslow: The Player has won tonight's tournament--
GLaDOS: (to the player) I bet you think you're pretty clever, don't you?
Winslow: I say!
GLaDOS: But consider your competition. A steroid freak with rage issues. A horny robot. A half-witted cripple. And a dog. And even then you needed luck to win. Lots and lots of luck. I wonder how you'd do under less... (turrets start to fall from the ceiling) ...favorable conditions.
The turrets aim at the Player, as though about to shoot...
GLaDOS: Just kidding. I would never kill you. In public. (the turrets then begin to play music instead, using their sight lasers to make a laser light show)

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